Self-discovery.

     We humans, are so eager to look for things that define us. We gaze on stars, we read palms, we throw dices, we pick tarots - all for the sake of self-discovery. We tend to ignore that in those actions, most of the presumptions are unintelligibly made. They are inauthentic, they are fraud but most of all, they are made to be self-satisfactory.

      I am one of those people. I seek self-discovery in the most likely of places. I choose the obvious; I gazed on stars, I got my palms read, I threw dices, I picked tarots - but,  I found nothing. Stars and tarots could only tell me so much. They have endlessly told me the things that I want to hear but, never the things I need to hear.

     So, in such a wake-up call, I withdrew. I pulled myself away from discovering myself through things. Now, I am here. Discovering myself through people instead. I still haven't found myself but I will keep on looking because in people, I saw more flickers of hope than in things.

Confessions.

To be perfectly honest, I have never made any kind of confessions all throughout my life. Never. Not once. I have always find the idea so compellingly frightening. However, while the idea may not be as alien to me as to how frightening it is, I have always wanted to just do it, you know. Because sometimes, I think I have got nothing to lose if I just stand up and scream out my wants and wishes. But that's the thing, in such thoughtless action, I WILL lose everything I hold so dearly. So, it all comes down to whether I care or not about the collateral damage?  Seriously, I don't know, really!

It wasn't until that one fateful bad experience that thought me to be more cautious than I have ever been. It only takes one hell-bent disclosure to make me dread my decisions to do things for the rest of my life. I have to be cautious because society, they can never be courteous. At least not to me. This bad experience always makes me wage my decisions thoroughly. As always, I will always choose the one with less collateral damage and in the process, I'll always have to hurt myself again and again. Every time I want to take one step closer to what I want, the pavement on which I step, tells me the every reason not to.